My embarrassing Valentine

I’ve always had the unfortunate luck of embarrassing myself. I used to regularly go out in public with two different tennis shoes on. I never checked to see if my shoes matched, they felt comfortable so I figured they must look okay.
I have also been known to wear my shirt backwards and inside out without noticing. One of the best things about getting married is having someone to catch these embarrassing errors before I leave the house. However, even Andrew can’t catch all the absentminded fashion mistakes I make.
I have this favorite pair of khaki pants. They’re made of soft, thin corduroy. They’re a little baggy and perfect for a long day at the office on casual Thursday. I woke up on Valentine’s Day in a great mood. I had flowers and chocolate from Andrew and an apple fritter for breakfast and my favorite pair of pants on.
I wondered around the office all morning, bending over to file patient charts in the file cabinet, walking into the waiting room to greet patients and running around the office to get supplies for the front desk. Midmorning one of the patients came up to my window and said, “Did you know your pants have a giant hole in the back?”
“No…” I replied. “I didn’t know.” I ran to the bathroom and examined the hole. It
couldn’t be THAT big. No one else had notice. Nope, it was enormous. Ripped right down the center seam, showing off my fine, white underwear.
Well, at least it was only two hours until lunch.
I went back to my desk and wrapped my sweater around my waist to hide the hole.
“Did you know I had a giant hole in my pants?” I asked the hygienist.
“No. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it,” she responded.
“Well, I guess I should be glad I wasn’t wearing a thong today,” I replied.
I seem destined for miscommunication and embarrassing situations. At lunch I jumped in my car and sped home to change my pants. I only had 30 minutes for lunch and it takes me 10 minutes to get home if I hit all green lights. I was putting Speedy Gonzales to shame as I drove home and back.
The cats were thrilled to see me for lunch. At least they saw the positive in a giant hole in my pants.
I grabbed a wrinkled pair of khaki pants and threw the ripped ones in the guest room to be buried another day. As I was heading out the door, I called Andrew.
“Hey, guess where I am.”
“Where are you? Guess where I am?” Andrew replied.
“Oh…are you at my office?”
“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you. I brought you a Valentine’s snack.”
Shoot, my ripped pants even ruined a Valentine’s Day surprise.
“I’ll be there in like 10 minutes,” I said, praying I hit every light green from home to the office.
I roared into the parking lot ten minutes later and ran in just as my lunch break was ending. Everyone was up front laughing at me for running out the door three minutes before my husband pulled up with a cup of tea and snack for my afternoon at the office.
So, I then had to admit the fact that I HAD to run home or spend the afternoon with my underwear sticking out of pants.
What a Valentine’s Day.