Grown up lessons

One day as a little girl I was riding in the car with my mom and I mentioned how I couldn’t wait to grow up. I imagined myself as a tall brunette who drove a red convertible and had lots of stylish clothes (how far off from reality that vision was). “You don’t want to grow up any sooner than you have to,” my mom cautioned. “Being a grown up isn’t as fun as you think. It’s a lot of work.” You can sure say that again.
I look back at my naiveté and wish I could be a little girl whose biggest concern was getting her homework done and making friends. Now I have bills to pay and years and years of work ahead of me – isn’t being a grown up grand?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this how grown up thing. I feel I’ve lived most of life to-date in the land of someday. “Someday I’ll finish my masters degree,” “Someday I want to teach college writing classes,” “Someday I want to have kids.” However, I am almost past the someday phase. This revelation was rather shocking to me. I discovered about a month ago that I am almost done with my master’s degree.
My last two classes will be this summer and then I just have to finish my portfolio/thesis and I’m done. My first thought when I realized this was not joy. I was depressed. I love learning and research and I didn’t want to stop going to school.
So, I was presented with a real grown up problem. Do I try to find a job with a masters degree or do I reach for the stars and go after a Ph.D. I’ve always wanted a Ph.D. It’s one of those “someday” dreams of mine. I’ve always said someday I’ll get a Ph.D., but I always picture me completing the degree when I was over 50.
Yet, I started to think if I really want to teach college classes then I’m going to need a degree that focuses on teaching as well as the writing or communications. My previous plan of getting a masters of fine arts in creative nonfiction didn’t meet this teaching requirement. Plus, most four-year colleges wouldn’t even look at me as potential professor material unless I had a Ph.D.
So, did I want to postpone life a bit more and go after my biggest “someday” dream? I’d have to conquer my fear of the GRE, and I would have to come to terms with the fact that I would spend another three to four years or longer working on a degree. I think I do.
The biggest problem with always planning for “someday” is that when that day does come you can’t be sure your plan will turn out as you hope it will. It’s a matter of faith, but then I think having faith in our dreams and faith that God is there to guide them, even if they don’t turn out exactly like we hope, is perhaps the biggest grown-up lesson I’ve had to learn.